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9 Most Expensive (Legal) Pets

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Cats and dogs are for poor people. I mean, there are some very expensive cats and dogs out there, but if you really want to flaunt your wealth, step up to the big leagues with a ridiculously expensive pet. It merits noting that the pets we list here must be legal. While a blue whale or a condor would probably be more costly than anything on this list, they can’t really be bought. It would be like trying to own a rainbow or an Eskimo.

9. Chinese Hairless Puppies
Chinese Hairless Puppies
Gross. Why on earth would you pay more for an animal that has less of something desirable? That’s like paying a premium for a really short prostitute. Hmmm. I guess people actually do that. Nevermind.

These animals are about as close as one can get to owning a cat without actually adopting a cat. They run $4,000 and up, which appears to be the going rate for a pet that looks like Mr. Bigglesworth from Austin Powers. You know what that kind of scratch also buys you? Sunburn. These 6-12 lb. hairless canines are very friendly but must be rubbed with suntan lotion before being going outside for extended periods of time.

8. Savannah Cats
Savannah Cats
If dogs that look like housecats aren’t your thing, how about housecats that look like jungle cats? Going off the picture, these are probably the coolest looking housecats one could own, but I’m not sure if that makes them “$10,000 cool.” At the pet store I went to as a child, that would buy you 3,333 hamsters. Maybe like an even 3,000 if we wanted to take into account sales tax. 3,000 hamsters may not look like a miniature cheetah, but they might look like a thundering herd of miniature wildebeests, which sounds pretty neat.

Anyway, the cats…These guys are the result of a process that is similar to breeding a Bengal cat (which is exactly what it sounds like). Breeders mated an African Serval with a domestic cat, which is apparently really expensive.

7. Mona Guenon
Mona Guenon
Ok. Enough dogs and cats. Let’s get to the fun ones. Though this primate’s natural habitat is in the western African forests, these guys can make their home most anywhere with trees, so it’s not considered endangered. Since it’s not considered endangered, you can own this animal. You just need to rustle up some permits and other legal documents that certify you’re not in the business of fighting monkeys to the death.

6. Debrazzas Monkeys
Debrazzas Monkeys
These guys look like Snarf from Thundercats, but they turn into something else altogether. These apes cost about $10,000, and for that sum, you get a very adorable baby monkey. However, over the course of their 22-year lifespan, these guys can get pretty temperamental and violent. Wild animals aren’t meant to be pets, hence the “wild,” so no matter how much you pay, you’re still rolling the dice.

5. Striped Ball Pythons
Ball Python
Speaking of “rolling the dice,” here’s a “pet” that’s largely known for strangling its dinners. For $10,000, you can probably buy a mechanical strangulation machine, and you won’t need to feed this thing live goats and guinea pigs.

BUT IT’S SOOOO PRETTY!

The Striped Ball Python is an “exclusive” to master python breeder Bob Clark. I wonder if his business dipped in the early 90s when hair metal music videos went out of fashion. Probably.

As unwholesome as calling a genetically modified animal “exclusive” is, many are willing to pay to get this snake with the unique and (admittedly) striking pattern under their roof, or in their stripper act, or whatever. Can you put a price on such a rare and beautiful animal? Bob Clark did. Ten grand.

4. Hyacinth Macaws
Macaws
You don’t pay by the pound for rare birds, but when it comes to Macaws, bigger is better. So it’s little surprise that these birds can get up to 40 inches long and cost upwards of $12,000, depending on the characteristics. A 40-inch length means a four-foot wingspan, so these guys probably won’t be shacking up in your grandmother’s canary cage. Just don’t let them fly away. My guess is whoever comes upon these blue wonders won’t want to give them up.

3. Reticulated Albino Pythons
Albino Python
Say hello to Bob Clark again, folks. Don’t say he hasn’t found his niche. As a snake breeder, he’s responsible for all of the #5’s on our list and the entirety of the #3’s as well. This breed is incredibly rare—almost to the point of being its own species—which supposedly justifies their $15,000 price tag. Don’t get me wrong, they’re cool, but for Mini Cooper money, I’d appreciate it if the breeders would throw in a little pigment, free of charge.

2. Chimpanzees
Chimpanzees
Well, if it wasn’t for the glut of chimpanzee attacks in recent years, I would think this would be a pretty awesome gift. They’re very smart, playful, and are so close to being humans that you could probably play Nintendo Wii with one. The downside is that they might eat your face off. But apparently “might eat your face off” still commands Range Rover prices on the open market, cause these little guys go for somewhere around $65,000 a pop. Strangely, chimps are considered an endangered species, but are still allowed to be kept as pets in some states. Not sure what the upside is there. Oh. That’s right.

They might eat your face off.

1. White Tigers (Not Siberian)
White Tiger
They might not be the ultra-rare (and slightly more beautiful) Siberian tigers, but white tigers are nothing to sneeze at. And if you were to sneeze on one, you best wipe it down before its owner finds out, cause these cubs go for $138,000 each.

Whatever you do, don’t call these guys “albino.” They are “white,” caused by a recessive gene, not by the absence of pigment. If you call them “albino,” they will eat you. Honestly, they’re tigers. They will probably eat you anyway.

Does PetSmart sell tiger food?


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